You are My Sunshine

Where has the time gone? My baby is 1 today. So many emotions are floating around I can barely think straight, not to mention planning a Birthday and Baptism party on the same day! May have something to do with my craziness too, but it makes perfect sense, right? I could hardly sleep last night with so many thoughts going through my head like, "this is my last baby", "how could I love something so much?", and "am I doing it right?". It doesn't matter how many books are published on how to raise a baby, it is an instinct and somethings are just learned by trial and error. Too bad for her, the error starts and ends with her! So many things have changed in my life since she was born, I forgot how my life used to be, you know the FREE life. I am so lucky to have spent the time with her at home, no one could begin to understand how grateful I feel.  I now have a daily coffee date. We talk about how we slept, what we are going to do the rest of the day, then we call Nana to see how she is doing. I also have a permanent shopping buddy who will soon enough be embarrassed by me. I have a workout buddy who tries to get me to skip sessions all of the time. She is super helpful during downward dog. I suddenly become a bridge. No, my little stinker does not sleep through the night yet (yes I know she is 1) but it is MY fault entirely. There is something about knowing you will only have 1 child and every little thing they do is precious and will be ending in such a hurry you will almost had forgotten it happened. ( Don't get me wrong, I have my moments, and I am not perfect). Just like the parents who choose to be parents again and again and again. Did you forget that babies wake up and cry all night or that birth is soooo painful? Nope, you just know it ends and what you get with that is totally worth it. That is my attitude, whether it is right or wrong. It is right for me. You may hear me "complain" every once in a while but in reality I am trying to relate to other parents on that topic and agreeing so it is not a bunch of know it alls telling me what I am doing wrong. I am talking about a baby who just wants her mommy and I am ok with that. I get up, walk through the dark to her room, open the door, scoop her up and feed her the bottle. I nuzzle my face into hers and rock her while I enjoy the snuggles. I have sung "You are my Sunshine" to her since she was born and I put her back to sleep. It won't last forever.

Sometimes I find it hard to understand why I have never felt this kind of love before and how could it exist when she has no idea what I am doing for her and her only way of displaying her love back is crying, or so it feels. So many adult couples go to counseling for this exact reason. They don't feel love from their spouse. Why do we expect to feel it from them but never complain that our infant just doesn't show us love? Just something to think about. I feel love when she needs me, recognizes me, and reaches out for me. Actually, she can just be lying there throwing a fit and I still feel that love for her. Crazy huh? Haha That innocent face when she wakes up has the biggest smile and she knows I will always come get her. She has no idea my love for her. This kind of love is priceless. I mean, who loves a stinky diaper, slobbery, whiney mess? I do. If this is what growing up entails with a baby, then I am glad to do it. If this is what makes me miss events, concerts, girls nights, and "me" days, it is ok. It will not be like this forever. Someday I will be like my parents and have no more children at home and I do not want to be sitting there wishing I had done more or enjoyed more things with her.

You my love, have taught me patience. The other day we were raking leaves and playing outside and she thought it would be fun to dig all of the mud out of my flower pots then proceed to roll in it like a pig. I could only laugh. Seriously, what could her little brain be thinking at that point? I took her in later for a bath before her afternoon nap. After she was up from her nap my husband came inside to shower, so he started the shower water to get it warm. He then came to help me move a few boxes to another room. I called for the baby but I could not find her. I started looking in her favorite places she is not supposed to play and finally found her helping herself to the shower. Fully clothed, soaking wet, playing. She then said "bath". So I let her shower. It is those kinds of memories I will never forget. Before you, I had nothing to be patient for.

You will forever be my baby and I just can't tell you I love you to the moon and back. I have never really understood that term (yes I know it is from a book) but I just tell her I love you forever. My love does not stop for you when it comes back from the moon, it is infinite. Cheesy? Maybe, but yet another trait I have picked up since becoming a mom. I am a ball of mush, weep at the sight of her smile. It took me about a month to actually watch the video of her birth, I couldn't get through it. I can still hear in my head the team of amazing people telling me the moment she came out, "Awe Ashley, she is beautiful." I look back occasionally through old videos of her and I "talking" when she could barely even get a sound out and tears form every time. I always wanted and wished for a boy, but it was never up to me. God knew what he was doing and I am forever thankful for my precious baby girl who reminds me daily, we are on her time now.

So just like the song, I have sung for exactly 12 months already and will continue to sing as long as she will listen: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you never know Rowan, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away. I will love you forever. Happy Birthday Princess!

Marathon Mom

So I did it. Checked it off of my bucket list, did it before my 30th birthday, and completed it within a year of having my baby. I ran 26.2 miles for myself. Why? I am still not sure but it feels so good for it to be finally over! I started training in June and my race was last Sunday October, 19th. I really tried to keep track of all of my runs on the Map My Walk app but I missed a few here and there. The app tells me I burned 29,600 calories and ran a total of 332.4 miles training for this race....all for one single day and one single race. Believe me, it IS as crazy as it sounds. I really never followed a training plan as I could not dedicate that much time and discipline to it, so my longest run was 19.5 miles. I truly felt great during that run and felt as if I could keep going. So I thought no big deal, with all of the adrenaline, crowd, and everyone watching me, I could surely run the last 6.2 miles no problem. Haha that was a funny thought. Turns out it wasn't as easy as I was hoping.

Race day started for me with my alarm going off at 5am. I slept really well the night before (shocking) and tried to stay true to my normal pre-run routine. Cup of coffee, bagel with cream cheese, then out the door. Let me tell you, the nerves were in full force that morning...I got all of my gear ready (ipod, fuel, and clothes) and my hubby and I were out the door by 6:45am. The race started at 8am, so we waited inside of Embassy Suites Hotel and kept warm. I seriously could not believe how little people were wearing and the amount of "pump it up" stretching that was going on. I was lazily sitting in a chair conserving all of my energy for the race. Receiving text messages after text messages from friends and family was the motivation I needed. Thank you to all who took time out of your day to send me a little note. So grateful for each of you.Yes that is a MANS foot behind me, clearly getting his stretch on :)

vTime to head out to the race. Found my anticipated pace sign and was waiting for the announcer to yell START. 3 minutes after we were told to start, I crossed the start line, started my watch, and away I went. Before training started for the race my goal was 4 hours. After I started training, my goal was to finish. Glad I cleared those expectations up before I ran because I was clearly delusional. I needed to start super slow and not rush it or I would not last the rest of the race. The first 8 miles were hilly....I mean HILLY. I wish I could remember all of the signs people were holding because some were hilarious. Here were a few of my favorites:

1.) NEVER trust a fart

2.) Worst parade ever

3.) At mile 13 a sign read "Congrats, you just lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's first wedding

4.) Chuck Norris never ran a marathon

5.) If this race was easy it would be called your mom

6.) For all of you moms out there, this sign was funny. " Smile if you just peed a little."

Clever. And kept my mind busy for the first 13 miles....then boredom set in, the wind started picking up and I started to die. My amazing hubby met me all throughout the race, surprising me at several locations and kept me going...until I hit mile 20. Remember when I thought to myself, the last 6.2 should be easy? WRONG. Here is the photo my hubby took of me at mile 20.Friends, this is the look of death. If the Marathon Foto people actually dressed in disguise, they would capture these images from people, but they wear bright yellow vests and hold large cameras forcing me to smile so they don't publish crap like this. But this is real life folks, this is what pain looks like. Haha. I was running through WaterWorks park, next was Grays Lake, then back up MLK to the finish line. Only problem was I knew the route, it was super windy, like 10-20 mile an hour gusts, and not to mention we were running into that the last 4 miles. Brutal.

Crossing that finish line was the best feeling ever. I had done it. No more training, my family there with me to celebrate this amazing accomplishment and last but not least, I could sit down ( I just wasn't sure if I could get back up.)

So this is my medal, my keepsake for running this race. But the best "gifts" I received that day was the personal accomplishment of setting out to do something and succeeding, no matter what time I finished it in and my family greeting me with such joy at the finish line, like I had just made them all so proud.

This baby is my love and life, I got up each morning, per her in her buggy and took her on a run. Her laughter, talking, and cries each run pushed me to keep going. Her love is endless and I can do no wrong in her eyes. I am her hero already, I didn't need to prove anything to her, but I hope someday I did.

This man. My husband. Helped push me each time I wanted to give up (a lot of times) and was so supportive of the time it took away from spending it with him, our baby, and friends. He took care of the baby countless times to give me a break, let me rest or when I had 3 hours runs every weekend. Also huge thanks to my mother who also stepped in to watch my baby on the days daddy was busy or working :) Sometimes it takes big things like this to realize you really are so loved and have the best of the best. Much love.

And this is my time. No it is not what I wanted, not what I expected but there are few things more challenging than making your body run for 26.2 miles. I started thinking the other day about how I could have bettered my time, but I know exactly how. Run again. And my answer is simply NEVER AGAIN. That itch is scratched and I will leave you with one more look of death...or pain. You choose.

I want to send a huge thank you to all of the volunteers, staff and head people of the Des Moines Marathon. You guys are amazing and this event was flawless. The crowds, families, and other runners were such encouragement in the time of need. Putting my name on the front of my bib number proved to be more helpful than I thought. Random people yelling for me to keep going, you're looking great, and you are almost there. Midwest people really are some of the best people and maybe next year I will just do the half marathon or volunteer :) So if you are thinking you want to run 26.2 miles sometime in your life...do it.

Sincerely,

Marathon Mom

Travel Kansas City

Well I survived my first "vacation" away from my baby...yes it took me 10 months to muster up the courage to leave her. It's not like my mom didn't raise 3 kids of her own and manage to keep us all alive, I am just a control freak and had to let go. It was much needed and even though we went away, Kansas City's short 3 hour drive made it easier for me. Let's just say everyone survived and we all had a great time, grandma and baby too :) i bet she liked getting up in the middle of the night. HahaWe have some great friends with even better connections and we are so grateful they were able to "hook" us up while we were there! It made it so we didn't have to make hardly any decisions because that is what we both do all day long! We owe them big time! So I am going to share the suggestions I was given for you all to enjoy. We did not make them all because the idea of a get away was not to come home more tired than we left :) The hotel I wanted to stay at was booked so we ended up staying at the Marriott Country Club Plaza, which was just what we needed and more! 1 1/2 blocks from the Plaza, easy walking distance, or take their free shuttle which will pick you up when you call too. Who wants to worry about parking?? With a restaurant, Starbucks, and reasonable rates, all in all it was a great hotel. We started Friday evening checking in, cleaning up and headed to Bar Rossa in Hotel Sorella (where I wanted to stay.) Clean, cool, and modern. The bar/restaurant is on the 7th floor and with this view, you do not feel like you are in Missouri.

We were hungry so we decide upon a charcuterie tray which was almost too pretty to eat! Delish! With Happy Hour until 5:30pm it is a sure stop on your trip.

Dinner reservations Friday night was at a place called Bluestem! So trendy and romantic, great place to try new food! Dimly lit, open kitchen, and percise perfection when creating each dish. One of a kind stop. We did the 5 course route, which allows you to choose 1 option from each course. They also have wine pairings if you are up for it. I started with a gazpacho soup. Cool and refreshing.

Highly recommeded visit bluestemkc.com and book it on OpenTable if you have it! Best app ever. Saturday was set aside for shopping the Plaza, relaxing and once again dinner reservations. The mid-day perk....touring Boulevard Brewery. Breakfast on a patio, coffee without disturbance, and my hubby got my full undivided attention! So nice. At this point I have only texted my mom once and FaceTimed once too! I think I am doing great :) The weather was perfect and after shopping for a bit we were told to hit up the newest BBQ hot spot in KC. You do NOT go there without eating what they are famous for. Q39 is a open and industrial feel with a good vibe. We really were not that hungry but before touring a brewery we thought we should eat a little something. We split the sliders and french fries and left not a single piece. I really can't judge their BBQ skills without ordering the real deal, so I will leave that to whoever goes next!

One thing I saw everywhere I went and think everyone should jump on the bandwagon was water in recycled glass bottles on your table! No waiting for waiters to refill your glasses and such a great concept! I know of a few restaurants in Des Moines that do this but I wish more would join them. Next stop, the brewery tour. This would be a first for me. I have mentioned many times, Boulevard is easily my favorite wheat beer. With more and more craft beer popping up in every city, it appears the competition has nothing on them. Thank you Ali, Andrew, and the guys at Templeton Rye for the amazing expierence! *Rye on Rye will be made using old Templeton barrels.

Because this was all things sans baby, a nap was in store for us! Who knew I could still nap like a baby :) Thank you Rent the Runway for my fabulous dress! If you have no clue what I am talking about...google it. Best invention ever. Rent a dress, wear it, then return it all for a small fee. Perfect for the people who hate wearing things over and over and over. We ended our trip with dinner at Gram and Dun. Awesome patio and food, I am waiting for the day it comes to Des Moines! I decided to step outside of the box and order something I normally wouldn't. I ordered the pork porterhouse ( yes I live in Iowa and I don't eat pork...that much.) The description states it is grilled, smoked creamy grits, goat cheese, beets, pork sauce, and caramel corn. Don't ask me why or how but it worked! It was so freaking good, I almost cleared my plate! As if I hadn't had enough, dessert is my favorite part of the meal so we split the Gram and Dun bar. OMG!!! I can't even stand it, it was to die for...I still dream about it!

I still have a "list" of places to hit up, so I will save it for our next getaway :) If you get to any of these places before I get back, let me know what you think!! 1.) CaVa 2.) Harry's Bar and Tables 3.) Hotel Rieger and Exchange 4.) Manifesto 5.) Anton's KC 6.) Nara

I survived, my baby survived and we had a great trip away :) Success!

Confessions of a so Called "Runner"

I love to run, but I would consider myself a fair weather runner. The weather just right, little to no wind, and I choose how many miles I want to do. Usually 3-5 is my favorite. I don't want to be forced to run or always have a looming agenda of a run waiting to be done. Most of you know I signed up for my first marathon this fall here in Des Moines, Iowa. As you also may know, I have been super whiny, lazy, and hating almost every minute of it but I am NOT a quitter. Especially after already running 17 miles. So I am going to suck it up and give you a little insight to what goes through my crazy brain as I train for this crazy race!During the week I have been doing my short runs pushing my baby in her BOB and I quit following a training plan when I started to burn out....after my first long run! Haha I bought a Garmin watch to track my time and distance for my long runs because running with a phone is awful. I did have a goal of running the race in under 4 hours but have adjusted my expectations to just finish the race. My long runs fall on a weekend which sucks because I want to look forward to my weekend, not run and spend the other day recovering. Yes I am whining. I swear even though I wear headphones and focus on putting one foot in front of the other, my brain doesn't shut off! It's actually quite hysterical what I say to myself or think, and most of it is too funny not to share. Maybe I am the only looney runner :) but I doubt that. I have runs where I start off in a bad mood, mad about everything. Usually because I don't want to run or I am hacked off at something else. Nothing bugs me more than the transition between the sidewalks and the roads. Why does there need to be a huge bump? Seriously! So my run ends up being, slow down, BUMP, stop, go....annoying. (Remember I am pushing a buggy.) Yes, I know there are plenty of trails that are ideal for running but I watch a lot of Dateline and trail running alone is a no no :) Another thing that irritates me is the trees, bushes, and mud/rocks. Our city is taking out trees, replanting them, putting in benches but can't seem to trim the existing brush covering the sidewalks? Im telling you, when I run this is what gets my goat. The last thing that makes me shake my head is how others can't share the sidewalk. If you are on a bike, go in the grass. Do not try to brush sweaty elbows with me as I run by you and then we both end up in grass. If you are another pedestrian, keep over or don't get mad at me when I scare your pants off as I scream HI when I come up from behind :) and if you are a car....go back to drivers ed! I swear I about get hit at least once a week....crazy. HONKING. Why people? First off you scare the crap out of me and I need that wasted rush of adrenaline for the next 10 or so miles. Flattering? Sure but I am an old married hag and sometimes pushing a sleeping baby in a buggy...that must be hot. And if you wake her, I may follow you home. Kidding. I get honks from all walks of life and it's actually like a game to guess what they look like as they pull along side me. Fellas, eat your hearts out :) Running with headphones has its advantages and last Saturday I discovered its disadvantages. Im running along, enjoying the mile I am completing when I about hit the deck and wet my shorts due to the "shots" being fired! Nope. Just a construction crew using their air guns. Whew close call, and another waste of my much needed adrenaline. I am not always mad or angry, I promise. I usually enjoy my runs and sometimes it just takes one simple thing to keep me going. Whether it's a text, a tweet, a message, a song, or my hubby driving by me just to wave or bring me water. I have asked him to take a picture of me running to see how bad I look as I am slowly dying! Haha he refused. I may think I look good but I probably look like a dog needing water. No joke. I love running along with my iPod on shuffle so I never know what song is coming next! It's like Christmas all over again after every song. Music has a special and unique way of making you feel alive! While my milkshake may bring all the boys to the yard, because I move my body like a Cyclone, in reality...All my Exes Live in Texas :) See it is fun. You know what's not a joke is I will get to a certain point in my morning run when I start to scan the bushes for a "spot" just in case I need to visit them. You other runners know what I am talking about, and if you haven't looked for a "spot" you are either too awesome or lying :) When the urge fades it's just another hurdle under your belt, literally. The running fuel has room for improvement. GU? A mouthful of warm slime that you swish around to avoid swallowing until you muster up the courage to do it. I only eat the chocolate fudge and tell myself it's brownie batter :) I started trying the Cliff shot blocks and I like them but they are large. Any other suggestions would be appreciated! On a lighter note, one of my favorite things about running in the midwest....we are friendly! No matter how much we are struggling we manage to squeak out a hello, a good morning, or a wave. I have hit the pavement several places and states and while the scenery may be better elsewhere, I would pick friendly people over that any day! Let's all get something straight here. Just because you run doesn't make you a runner and doesn't mean you are fit enough to be running without a shirt. Come on. If you are David Beckham then ok, if you are not, spare us or at least me. Sweaty, hairy, man boobs shifing with each step is not on my 100 things to see before I die list. Now don't think it's just the men. Ladies can be just as oblivious to how their pancakes are folded up in their bra or what piece of skin is jiggling, but believe me, every other runner and driver knows. This is a public service announcement :) ( I am not roll or jiggle free, this I know is true!) Oh the smells of running. I am starting to learn what the different fabric softeners smell like and which perfume/colognes are what....why wear it when you run/walk? I swear some douse themselves in White Diamonds before they leave, making me gag for the next 20 yards after passing them. I would agree it is probably better than smelling like raw onions. I should just pick my poison huh? That car driving by smoking? Yep thanks for sharing! Exactly the boost I was looking for. And my favorite....running by resturants. I want to barf at the smell of anything food/drink that early in the morning or as I am running. Perkins, Burger King, and leftover alcohol from the local bar, just a few of my favorites. Where I find my motivation sometimes comes from thinking about people I know or don't know as I am running. I mean if SHE can run a marathon, I can too! Or that person is older than me, fatter than me, skinnier than me, and they can do it, why can't I?! I know it is wrong but really my brain doesn't stop and I am not judging, I am just basically telling myself to suck it up. I never understood why or how people get "addicted" to running and I finally get it. Sitting inside knowing I should run, eats at me until I go do it. It has gotten so bad, this running thing, I actually have restless leg syndrome at night in bed if I don't run. ( self diagnosed of course.) I told my hubby to watch out for runners in bed and he didn't know what I meant until he kept getting kicked....now how do I un-train my legs?! The best and last motivating thing I do as I am running my long runs is thinking of what I want to indulge in after I finish. So far it has been pizza, a milkshake, Cinnabun, and donuts! All super healthy and great recovery food. Anyways, after October 19th, I plan on going back to being a fair weather runner. For now I will be like Forest and just keep running. Next time you see me wave or honk ;) "Believe me, the reward is not so great without the struggle." - Wilma Rudolph