No I am not referring to Ash Wednesday, I am simply stating what a week and it's not even Friday! Like holy moly, holy toledo, and holy crap. Lots of ups and downs and yes, I still blame hormones? Is that allowed? In my last post I talked about how it annoys me when people comment on how "tiny" my baby is. I can let a lot of things go but this I couldn't. Nothing makes you feel worse than someone thinking you aren't caring for your child. I know this sounds stupid but I seriously started thinking, am I doing something wrong? Or not doing enough? What's a girl to do when my princess won't take a bottle...still, and can't eat that much cereal to boost calories significantly? I started wondering about my milk supply. I saw a FB post of someone's 12 ounce pump and know there is no way I could get that. That is dairy cow status and that must make me a baby cow. Darn you Facebook. Maybe my baby is not getting enough milk? Well, I will start eating more protein, butter, and carbs, that shouldn't be a problem :) I also know people swear by Fenugreek pills. So I bought them. WHY WHY WHY do they make me freaking smell like Mrs. Butterworth's syrup! I even made my hubs smell my pits (lucky guy) to see if he could tell...Yep. Awesome. Does this happen to everyone or am I special? On top of all of that, I am going to increase my water/fluid intake. We shall see if any of this helps. If you have other tricks..help a sister out! Holy moly.
Wednesday's doctor appointment couldn't come soon enough to prove to myself that I was doing a good job with my baby. Yes I know how to care for her but I had and still have my doubts. My poor hubby is probably tired of me asking if she's getting bigger or growing like she should. He probably wants to cover up people's mouth when they start to say how tiny she is because he knows that's one more blow to my already beaten heart. How can something so cute and "tiny" cause me this much stress? First blow of the day came when the doctor's office called me at 12:00 when her appointment was at 1pm, stating I need to reschedule (if I don't want to wait 2 hours) because they were behind. Lady, you have NO idea how anxious and upset I have been about this appointment. Plus I rearranged her naps for this and now you want to switch me to tomorrow? Good thing I have no life. Talk about tears. Ridiculous I know but I had mentally preparred myself for her shots and wanted to put my mind at ease about her growth. Now we wait until 9:30 am Thursday. Holy toledo.
I think my baby knows how to make me feel better because she decided she would start rolling over. Kind of like " see mom, im getting bigger and you are doing a good job." God I love that baby girl. Sorry I didn't alert the FB media with that milestone but I don't want any other moms thinking because their baby isn't rolling over there is something wrong :) Oh and some more tears came with that too, hormones again. Mom now equals mush.
Today was the day. 9:30 am is not an ideal time for us but the earlier the better for me and my crazy brain. Well folks, I am not starving my child and her growth is not stunted. Her weight was 11lbs 14.6 ounces still trending on the growth chart. Her head and length have taken a huge leap! I guess I will have a smart string bean?? No worries from the doctor and no more craziness from me until next week. Kidding. Funny how that one person can put your mind at ease. I especially loved it when I asked the doctor for advice and she told me to wake her up every 3 hours at night ( to make me feel better) and feed her. Ummm lady, we already do that. Next. Try a bottle or extra feeding. Ummm won't take a bottle and is on the boob 24-7. Next. Hello Diva! That is one thing we agreed on. Holy crap.
If any of you watch the Bachelor, I am kind of like Jaun Pablo. Except I'm female, speak English, and not looking for love. But right now my favorite thing to say is, " it's ok." Seriously though, it is. She will only wake up every few hours and nurse for such a short time. I love rocking and feeding her, holding her tiny baby hand and kissing her sweet cheeks everytime I put her back to sleep. It's okay that she doesn't take a bottle right now. Before I know it she will be taking a sippy cup. Yes, I want a date night, yes I want a break, but I will get all of that and more soon enough. Before you know it she will be getting into the car and leaving for college, then I will give anything to get back that every 2 hour feeding and that time just to hold my sweet baby. Each time I nurse her I notice her legs get a touch longer. She now dangles them on the chair as compared to how she simply fit in one of my arms when we brought her home. I will never get any of that back and that's ok, I will live in each moment and take joy from it all. I need to learn to trust myself and my instincts, besides, momma knows best.